Chasing Shadows
Having four cats in this household means that there are pretty much constant hijinks and entertainment. Boo, the black furball pictured above is the most curious and intent of them all. Once she has her mind set on something it is very difficult to distract her. The other night our big male was just walking around keeping an eye on me (he has the loyalty of a dog). He came around the corner towards the kitchen and I saw her pounce right behind him. I thought maybe she had a bug or something. Then as he walked a couple more steps, she did it again. By the third or fourth time, I finally figured out what was going on. She was chasing the shadow of his tail! He was completely oblivious, and she was entertained. The first thing I thought of was “Peter Pan.” But then, I wondered when she would get bored with the futility of it. On the one hand, she’s smart. On the other hand, once she’s fixated on something there is no redirecting her. As he left the kitchen, she was still intent on chasing his shadow. But the thing is, we do it too. We chase shadows with the same fixation and the same futility. For some, it’s the chase of a dream of happiness. The right girl or guy, the right car, the right job, whatever it is, shortly after we have it the novelty wears off and it doesn’t make us happy anymore. For others, it’s based on fear and worry. An all too common theme is anxiety or depression based on worry. The underlying cause always comes back to our thought lives. Now, I’m not talking about trauma or grief here, I’m talking about normal everyday anxiety and depression. We all have complex lives with several irons in the fire. Some have more than others, but few people live a truly simple life. What happens is that I’m thinking about being late on the rent while I’m at work or expecting my wife to be angry while I’m driving home. Some of the problems are real (the rent), while others may not be (my wife being mad). But while I’m at work, I can’t do anything about the rent. And during my drive home, I can’t do anything about how my wife is going to feel. So, we’re chasing shadows. We’re investing valuable mental, emotional, and physical energy in things that we can’t affect at the moment. I have an illustration that I use. When you open your front door, there is going to be a bear standing there ready to claw your face off. Your brain sends a signal out to hormone centers like your adrenal gland. Every system kicks into high gear so that your muscles have the energy to punch the bear in the nose (fight) or run away (flight). But sitting there on your couch worrying about the bear does nothing productive. But, what does happen is that your body is having a miniature fight or flight reaction based on the worry in your mind. This is where panic attacks and heartburn come from among others. So, go on Amazon and buy some bear spray or mount a shotgun over your door. Then you have done everything you can and you are done preparing. The only times we should be focused on a problem is when we are confronting it or preparing/planning to confront it. We find a message in Ecclesiastes that speaks to the solution several times. To abbreviate just one: Eat, drink, and enjoy the work that God has given you. In other words, instead of chasing shadows, learn to be fully present in life and find joy in every moment you can. Facebook Twitter LinkedIn
Thoughts That Came to Me About What’s Really Important
Following is a Facebook Post that isn’t about a book, but it is closely aligned to my next release. Which, by the way, I’m renaming after my bride and Beta Readers have suggested that although the title meant much to be, it was a little obtuse. So, at the moment, the next book will be titled, “Blessed Brokenness: Seeing God’s Glory in the Ashes of Life” At any rate: here’s the post – I hope it means something to somebody. I read a post by a cousin and commented on it. But it reminded me of a post I made around Christmas time and some thoughts I had on Christmas, 2021. I realized at the Neurologist’s office today that I remember the exact day that a doctor put a replacement medication pump in my wife. October 28, 2021, was the day that began a sequence of events that not only brought some of the worst parts of my life screaming to the forefront of my mind as well as causing my daughter and me to begin making sure we could make final preparations if need be. I was lining people up to handle different things for me and making sure we had a place for a service that would handle the crowd I expected and someone to do the service that knew her well enough but would be emotionally able to do it. A botched surgery and the “fix” for that surgery also being botched ended up creating a brain infection that caused the same condition that killed my brother, and I will always have to be watching for the signs that it is returning. You dance a very fine line between “Why would an insurance company pay for unneeded testing” and “We have a very short time to save her life.” But tonight I remembered 2 things. First, that I insisted we try to salvage some of the family Christmas by having a real dinner in a home and that my daughter and I prepare at least the one favorite dish that everybody loves (and that we can make without my wife giving instructions). I also remembered Christmas morning. Someone had lent me their vacation condo for a few days through Christmas. I got up that morning and was at the hospital by 8 am. As I pulled into the parking lot and got the very best van handicapped spot, I wasn’t sure whether to be sad or angry. The place was deserted. Her hospitalist had told me more than once how much he appreciated that I was there nearly every day as he had many patients who never had visitors or advocates at all. I sat and held her hand and read from the Bible then prayed with her, then just sat and held her hand some more. I did that until noon. Then as I was leaving, I saw that the lobby and parking lot were full of people and cars (the cars were in the parking lot only). Then I flashed back to being I think 4 years old and my brother was 8. He was at Los Angeles Children’s Memorial over Christmas. It’s the only year I ever remember both sets of grandparents being together. I remembered crying because my grandparents gave David the red truck and me the blue one when red was my favorite color and blue was his. I remembered this game that my Grandpa Hogan and I boisterously played until both grandmas and my mom yelled at us because they had asked us more than once to get out of the kitchen so they could serve breakfast. That’s when I realized that we weren’t there first thing Christmas morning. We did Christmas morning at the house then loaded up all his presents and took them to the hospital (where I had an asthma attack in the lobby, but that’s another story). So, suddenly, through the tears of my own came smiles of joy for all the families that were with their loved ones after making the best out of a disrupted holiday. It’s a strange juggling act. When you have a loved one that may very well be dying or is at least alone and you have family that is looking to you to decide how things will go. But both are important. My daughter has said that if mom went, she wouldn’t be surprised if I followed shortly after. That’s the love that we’ve built. But as much as I might selfishly want that, I love my daughter dearly too. And I knew that I couldn’t allow myself to crawl into that hole. Not on Christmas morning and not if, heaven forbid, the worst happened. I don’t think we ever said the word, even when I was making sure a friend would help spread the word and another would handle a service. I don’t think my daughter or I ever uttered the ‘D’ word. As I listen to her talk in her sleep (she did it before, but never this amount) I think about how much we will have to handle in the months to come all while being so grateful that I could bust. I don’t know if I really had a point to this. I like to have a point. Or as I think Mr. Peabody always came to the moral of the story… But I don’t have one, just what came flooding to my brain tonight. Facebook Twitter LinkedIn
Praying to Sleep
My second book, “When God Says No: Finding Glory in the Ashes” is currently in the initial editing phases. I’m excited and hope that it will be an inspiration to many and help them grow closer to Christ. In the book, I talk about nights falling asleep crying in prayer for my wife. I may again tonight. OK, maybe not with tears. My perspective on so many things has changed and I believe the book tells that story. But I will indeed likely fall asleep in prayer. My poor bride has finally passed out from exhaustion. And yet, she’s still hiccupping! When you don’t know what else to do, there’s always one thing left. Prayer! Of course, the Bible does say to pray without ceasing. That doesn’t seem very practical in modern times. I would never tell you to close your eyes in prayer during your daily commute! But, I always go back to one of my favorite movies of all time. I’m pretty sure that “Fiddler on the Roof” came out in 1974. It was a long time working its way from the original work to what they finally put on Broadway then on film. But in any case, the main character, Tevye opens the movie talking directly to God as he walks his lame horse home to the barn before finishing his deliveries, pushing the cart himself. Although he starts out griping (not the attitude I want us to have), he makes his way into the dreamer’s song, “If I Were a Rich Man.” But as the movie continues, at certain moments, all action will freeze as he looks at the camera and repeats something that was just said. I always feel like he’s talking to God. I do believe that we need to remember who God is vs. who we are. But evidence supports that Adam and Eve walked with God in the garden. They knew full well that He made them and feared his anger. But they also enjoyed His loving presence. So tonight, if she doesn’t stop hiccupping on her own, I will likely fall asleep praying for her. For if we are to pray without ceasing, then it must include moments where life isn’t on the line and maybe it isn’t even about hiccups, but just allowing the creator of the universe into our daily lives. Facebook Twitter LinkedIn
This Christmas Season
It feels appropriate to share this now. My wife was born at 28 weeks. 50 some odd years ago that should have been a death sentence. Instead, her symptoms were always extraordinarily mild. A little over a year ago, she had been through 28 surgeries since we married almost 32 years ago. But a little over a year ago a doctor that we trusted botched 2 surgeries in a row. She spent 5 months (roughly) in a trauma hospital with about 2 1/2 weeks in ICU. Including the botched surgeries, she had 7 more. This included 3 brain surgeries. Now, mind you, we’ve always had the brightest house at Christmas. The year that included a shooting victim is a separate story. But a few years ago, our daughters were all excited about decorating. Despite my wife’s admonitions that neither she nor I could help, the decorations had to come down in a timely manner. Understand that by this time, she was a triplegic and I had a neurologic disorder that prevents me from doing much. The decorations were finally put away in March. We haven’t put up anything since. Well, living in the high desert, it hasn’t “felt” like Christmastime since we left the Midwest. So, after last year as I watched for her to live or die and tried to keep the family together around all our traditions, this year is different. This year her folks will be with her sister in Illinois and our biological daughter (we’ve been mom and dad to many young people) will be on shift as an EMT (in training to be a paramedic). So, we will likely have frozen foods and stay in pajamas all day. In this family, we have learned how important family tradition is, even if it means spending the morning in a hospital next to your wife as she is unconscious before driving 2 hours home to insist on a “family dinner”. Yes, we all know the reason for the season is Christ. But from one who almost saw everything change, I want to encourage all of you to hold your loved ones and your family traditions near as we celebrate the coming of our Lord. You can have one without the other, but I can tell you from reading from Luke at my grandmother’s deathbed to splitting the day between my wife’s bedside and family dinner, that maintaining family traditions and remembering our Lord go best together. Facebook Twitter LinkedIn
Sermon vs. Counseling vs. Book
I only had a few opportunities where I preached several weeks in a row. So, normally, by the time my next turn to preach came around, I had a message that God had definitely put on my heart. In writing a sermon, I would blend using my education and abilities in addition to the Spirit’s leading. Some preachers prepare outlines only then fly by the seat of their pants, allowing the Spirit to lead. I was trained to write my message then practice it until I could reduce my notes to a single 3X5″ card. I was never good at that and like a friend of mine (whom I won’t call out) I essentially read my messages. Some felt like that was inhibiting the Spirit whereas I felt like the Spirit lead me in the original writing of the message. Indeed, there were Sunday mornings when I got up and tore up my sermon for that evening knowing that wasn’t what God wanted me to preach. But, one of the things that I was taught was to watch my congregation, maintain eye contact, and try to keep everyone engaged. As a result, I often gauged how good a job I did by how many people seemed moved or contemplative not by how many times I heard, “Great message Pastor.” As a matter of fact, that almost became a worrisome sign. If too many people said, “Good message Pastor,” then how many hearts were touched? The counseling relationship is much like the pastor/congregation relationship except that I can get to know what someone does or doesn’t understand and different ways to approach an issue. When you preach a sermon, you have to try to get the message to everyone in one hour, and rarely is that a recipe for universal success. But the counseling relationship also allows me to make sure that what we cover is exactly what that person needs. Writing “How to be a Christian in Today’s World” was like a mixture of both. God developed the message over a 3 or 4-year period independently in my wife and myself, so I knew what I had to write. Then, just like a sermon, I had an idea of the direction that I wanted to take, but as I studied and prayed, and listened, the message developed beyond anything I would have planned. Like a sermon, it may not be perfect for everyone. But, like a counseling session, I was able to go much more in-depth than a short sermon. It is my sincere hope and prayer that you will benefit from the book and share it with others. And most importantly for the book to spread, please write a review. Facebook Twitter LinkedIn
Rave Reviews!
A Must Read Book For Everyone Highly Recommended Reverend Matthew Hogan writes, How to Be a Christian in Today’s World, is aptly subtitled, Shame or Fear of Failing vs. Living Confidently in God’s Love. This sets the stage for his book that blends his own upbringing and life to shed light on ultimately God’s Word, as he and his wife came together in their faith. Growing up in the early 60’s presents an era gone by as he segways into advocating an understanding of God’s love. Admittedly, no one is spared trials and tribulations of life, as he shares intense family hardships and deaths that shaped his young childhood. Coming from a place of deep trauma experiencing the loss of his brother and the further dissolution of his parent’s marriage, he writes a book that presents a Biblical way to understand trials, maturing in Christ, and overcoming by the Spirit of God. Full of compassion and true to Scripture, readers will find his book refreshing. Separated into four categories such chapters as: Baby Steps, I am Loved! Churchese vs. the Word, and Walk it Out. With a Workbook section with questions in the back (6 sessions), which can be utilized as an at home personal study guide, or even within a close group setting. He addresses real life issues, feelings, and behaviors bringing a deeper faith, and reliance upon God, His Spirit, knowing we are loved by God, as he delves into the truth of the Word of God. This is one of those books that doesn’t smooth over subjects, but helps readers understand the immensity of God’s grace and love, offering solutions for the person that has been wounded and that has dealt with trauma. He has known this all too well in his own life, and he presents an easy read that is full of encouragement. In his last Chapter (p. 102), He states, “Like love, we can see that the ability to live a Godly life comes from God.” Further stating, “Everything about the Spirit will free us, guide us, and teach us, providing for Godly living.” He gives further instruction to readers that summarizes and shows readers the “how-to” relying on God by and through the leading and guiding of the Holy Spirit. It is his firm belief that we cannot do “Christianity” by ourselves, but we “love” because God has loved us first. A Wonderful, well rounded Biblical guide to navigating life in culture that is against “walking in the light.” Highly recommended for all, new or mature believers, also to those who want to deepen their faith. Living as a Christian requires growth, maturity, and then full reliance on God. Title: How to Be a Christian in Today’s World Reverend Matthew Hogan A CBM Christian Book Review 10.0 out of 10.0+ stars
Why I Wrote “How to be a Christian in Today’s World” and What I Hope People Get From it
The message in How to be a Christian in Today’s World is one that God had been developing in my heart and my wife’s simultaneously. We would begin to talk about something and start sharing what we had been thinking and it was always the same. That gave me the confirmation that this was indeed a message that God was giving me. I wrote it much like I do a sermon. I knew what the starting point was. But as I wrote and researched, sometimes I would hear something new or different. Many paragraphs or even chapters ended up being completely deleted as the manuscript took shape. Sometimes I feel that the Lord is calling me in a completely different direction. Then I explore that and do my research share what I find and am convicted to write. The tugging to get out this message came from hearing the pain of many people. Some had been warming a pew for more decades that I’ve been alive and felt something was off for them. Others were either wanting to serve and move forward but held back by their guilt or shame. Something that we’ve seen is that in an attempt to help people and minister, many churches emphasize one message. Often its either Grace or Obedience. The problem is that when either message is the entirety of your belief system the true beauty of why God made you and wants you to grow in this life is lost. Of course, I hope you’ll read How to be a Christian in Today’s World and share it through giving a copy to someone or leaving a review, or better yet, both. But more than that, I hope that you will find the true beauty of God’s amazing love for you and live in the glory of being in relationship with Him.
