Why Do I Feel So Alone if He Has the Whole World in His Hands?
Facebook Twitter LinkedIn Remember the song we learned as children, “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hand?” Well, it does have a basis in scripture. In Isaiah 41:10, we see God encouraging the Israelites by telling them that he will hold them up with His righteous right hand. Later, in Isaiah 49:16, as Zion is fearing that God has abandoned them, He tells them, “You are engraved on my hands.” In John 10 verse 28 and 29 Jesus says that His sheep can not be plucked from His or God’s hands. I wrote, “How to be a Christian in Today’s World: Shame or Fear of Failure vs. Living Confidently in God’s Love” originally thinking just about how our culture encourages the feelings of being alone and far from God. Of course, the book grew to be much more, hopefully helping to provide a path to or back to comfort in God’s love. But I thought I would share with you today a story of a woman who taught that to me in a very real way. In my teen years, I was drawn to Christianity. I grew up in a family that claimed Christianity, but we never went to church and I never had any guidance in faith. I went to ministry school and met my wife. She was a dedicated Christian and encouraged me in ministry. I worked full-time but kept busy in the church in one way or another. That was our life. We studied and were taught pretty much the whole Bible. And we loved classic hymns, praise choruses and even scripture memory songs. We raised our daughter to sit through “big church” and taught her scriptures as part of a parenting method intended to help kids not just obey rules, but make good decisions based on a solid framework. That was our life. One Christmas when my daughter was still a toddler, we felt like God was calling us to move across the country to be near my mother and grandmother. They had been living together for a number of years. My mom was doing all she could to work and keep house. As my grandmother aged, not only did she do less, including giving up on church altogether, but she became bitter and angry. As she did, it wore on my mom. I tried to minister to my mom and help her have a better outlook on life than the one that my grandmother was putting into her every day. It rarely made much of a difference and when it did, it didn’t last long. After a couple of years, we were drowning financially as the income to living expenses ratio was way off. Then when my wife’s dad was called to pastor a church just 300 miles from us, we made the move too. I became the leader of the boy’s program and the alternate preacher, and my wife ran the sound booth or was on the worship team. A few years later, Mercy Me came out with the song, “I Can Only Imagine.” The song really struck me as the lyrics questioned how the singer would respond when he got to heaven. We’d sung so many songs about going to the glory land, etc. I even had a line in the radio version of the hit book series “Left Behind.” Heaven and eternity were things we’d thought about for so many years. Shortly after my grandmother finally passed away, my wife started taking my mom to Christian women’s conventions and with the negative influence stopped, we were able to make some ground with my mom. When she moved to be near us and started going to church every weekend, she became excited about maybe getting into women’s ministry herself. This was such an exciting change. When the worship band started singing “I Can Only Imagine,” something made me look over at my mom. Strangely she wasn’t singing. There was this strange look on her face as she listened intently to this song she’d never heard. I realized suddenly that this was a new concept to her. Here my wife and I had become so familiar with the concept of going to Heaven that we had different ideas and pictures in our heads. But, here, my mom was suddenly putting two and two together. She was coming to try to imagine Heaven. I’ll never forget the look of wonder on her face. That night, as my wife and I talked in bed about that morning and how excited we were for my mom, we listened to her and my daughter, now a teen, talk and giggle from the other side of the house. If I didn’t know one was in her mid-sixties, I would have thought I was hearing girlfriends during a sleepover. None of us knew yet that my mom’s body was betraying her. Yes, normal skin cells were morphing into cancer cells. It was a cancer that normally should have been easily treatable. But with each treatment and cut by the surgeon, the cancer had more fresh skin to work with. She called me from the hospital 100 miles from our home and told me she wanted to come home, I contacted her oncologist. After pressing him, he finally said, “We can’t do the surgery your mom needs until the cancer stops growing.” Then I got him to admit that he didn’t believe that would happen. So, I got her transferred to our hospital at home. A male nurse at our local hospital, a former military medic, called me to let me know she had arrived. I asked him how she was. He didn’t go into details but was obviously not happy. He finally said to me, “Mr. Hogan, we didn’t treat our enemies this badly in Iraq.” In retrospect, I strongly believe that what he saw was that the cancer was spreading so quickly that all it did was make a mess that they couldn’t keep up with. But
He is Risen!
He is Risen Indeed! I did not intend to send anything out over Easter weekend. But tonight, I can not not share with you. (I say tonight because I will schedule this for Easter morning.) My wife found another amazing series and I have to recommend it to you. It’s on PureFlix and it’s called “Eyewitness Bible – Easter” Each episode covers a first person account of the days leading up to and including Resurrection Sunday. The episode that triggered this post was “Maundy Thursday.” Understand that Maundy Thursday was the last supper and the walk to the garden. (By the way, my beautiful bride and I got married on Maundy Thursday, but that’s for another day.) This episode is told by the apostle Phillip and he was particularly touched by the parable of the vines and branches found in John chapter 15. He describes what it is like in September as the harvest is nearing for the vineyards. The large brown vines coming up and spreading into branches holding the fruit yes, but what you see are big beautiful leaves of different colors. There is a balance required between leaves and branches. The grapes won’t grow without leaves, but too many leaves will steal nutrients from the fruit. The vine keeper prunes the branches to keep this balance. Just as we too must keep balance between the distractions of life and bearing fruit. My wife caught the point that he made that the fruit is hidden under the leaves. The vine and the branches that bear the most and best fruit aren’t showing it off, they are simply just growing. This passage talks also about how we must abide in Him. This is so important. We try to do in ourselves and we may look good for a while, but eventually the truth that we can’t produce fruit on our own will become only too obvious. If God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit are all one, then when we abide in Christ, we abide in the Father. When as I so often refer to, “Lean In” to the Spirit, we are abiding in God the Father and God the Son. That is where we get the ability to bear fruit. That is where we get the strength to love. That is where we become people whose lives bring glory to God. When I ask people why God made us, a common answer is “to glorify God.” This is true, I can’t argue that. Although, I always point out that we’re made because He wants to be in relationship with us. When most people say that we are to glorify God, I suspect that the first thought that comes to mind is singing His praises around the throne. But how much do we bring God glory by simply and quietly bearing fruit? But again, we can’t do that apart from Him! 1 John 4:19 says, “We love, because He first loved us.” I am so humbled that some of you have trusted me with the things that weigh heavily on your hearts and trusted me with your questions. I don’t consider myself to be a Bible scholar, just a simple country minister. But on the blessed day that we celebrate His resurrection, I invite you brothers and sisters to draw near to the empty tomb. Remember that it is for YOU! Allow yourself to feel the love of the God that knew you before the beginning of time, knew who you would be and still made you and still sent His son. Christ emptied Himself to be like sinful flesh, for you. What an incredible, tremendous, blessing of love from the very creator of our great big universe! And remember, Jesus loves you, and so do I! Facebook Twitter LinkedIn
How Do You Keep Faith in God?
I’ve received some very compelling questions to the short survey I sent out. It was just four questions, but some of the answers have made me think, and others have broken my heart. If you haven’t taken the survey, you take it here. Your answers will help me shape the bog so that I deliver content that doesn’t matter to me, but to you. That said, one question that was asked of me directly was, “How do you deal with your disability and have great faith??” Now, I want to avoid a spoiler as I have a book that is essentially done, but I’m sitting on for the moment. It will be called Blessed Brokenness: Seeing God’s Glory in the Ashes of Life. (If you’ve been paying really close attention, the title has changed multiple times, but I think this is a winner.) That book tells the story of how my wife and I have accidentally been an inspiration to many and how I finally found peace as my wife suffered great pain. But I want to answer the question. Yesterday afternoon, my wife’s pain was so great that my daughter called an ambulance. We got back to the house at around 3:30 AM. I finally was able to go to bed around 5:00. And I still had to be up before 8:00 to let my wife’s caregiver in. So, after just over two hours of sleep, I’ve been awake for three so far. And I feel compelled to write instead of sleep. I don’t tell you this for pity or how great a hero I am, I tell you this because I am weak. I’m used to going on these adventures by myself but my daughter went along last night and helped, which was a great blessing. But from the moment that it became a question that we might call an ambulance, I was not in a great place. I’ve done this so many times, I’m sick of it. I hate seeing the ambulance in front of my house. I hate sitting in the ER. It’s a time when I am at my weakest in myself. My disability causes weakness, pain, fatigue, and spilled coffee throughout the house. Yet, I am still the one person that can do certain things for my wife that nobody else can. Because of my natural temperament and my formative years, I can be pretty good at just not noticing or at least being bothered by my own disability. My wife and daughter? Well, that’s another matter entirely. I guess the best way to explain the solution to this natural problem is this: I’ve learned that I can either be miserable or I can trust God. Being miserable isn’t any fun, so the latter becomes my preferred choice. The hard part for most of us is when God’s solution or at least what we perceive as God’s solution isn’t what we want. I admit it, I want my wife pain-free. I want her paying her piano, I want her cooking. I want to not need caregivers anymore. That’s what I want. God just doesn’t seem to be willing to get with the program. So, first I have to remember who has what role. He’s God, I’m not! Secondly, if I’m going to trust Him then I need to learn to do that. What I’ve found personally and through the Word, is that I get what I want when I want what He wants instead of trying to change His mind. Job knew that he wasn’t suffering because he had sinned despite the admonitions of his friends. And he refused to curse God and die as his wife suggested. He retained his faith in a just and righteous God, But he felt like God had betrayed him. That is, until God reminded him of his place. Abraham is recorded as arguing with God and ‘winning.” The difference between Abraham and others (Moses) is that Abraham approached God from who God is. “Far be it for you to _____.” Abraham was saying, “Wait a minute, that doesn’t make sense with who I know you to be.” He wasn’t trying to get God to see it His way, he was arguing God’s nature. In other words, he was asking God to be who He knew him to be. So, no I didn’t enjoy yesterday through this morning. I don’t care for my eyes not focusing properly or my headache that isn’t going away even after taking migraine medicine. I know these are both likely induced by a lack of sleep. But my wife is sleeping, not crying. We know a little more about how to prevent repeats of yesterday. And most of all, I know we are in God’s hand. I won’t make the mistake that Job did (and I have) of thinking that God is against me or the source of my pain. I won’t think He is betraying me because he hasn’t fixed things the way I want. It’s too late in this post to tell the whole story, but when my mom was dying, I was angry. She took my hand and said, “God knew. He knew.” At the time I didn’t know what she meant. Now I know that she knew that God knew what was happening and that nobody and nothing could pluck her from His hand (John 10:27-29). Her focus was on the eternal, not on the temporal. I have to let the Spirit help me in my weakness to follow her example. Anger comes easily to the natural, fleshly Matthew. The Spirit must be strong in those moments of weakness. Facebook Twitter LinkedIn
Rain
I woke this morning 2 hours before I needed to be up to let my wife’s caregiver in. That’s been happening more and more lately. I don’t know why, but usually, I don’t mind it. It’s quiet in the house. As I sat up I heard the sound of rain on the sheet metal covering where the swamp coolers used to be. Unfortunately, this morning, as soon as she saw me sit up, my wife asked for a pain pill through quiet tears. I gave it to her then moved to the front of the house to heat a cup of coffee and water the plants. The last part of that routine is to open the front curtains. This morning I sat and watched the rain come down as now it was loud enough that I could hear it on the roof. Over the rain, I could hear my wife crying from the bedroom at the other end of the house. I laid down beside her, my body on the bed and my backside on her power chair that was conveniently parked up against the bed. I held her and prayed for her. Every time I thought she was drifting off to sleep, I could hear the rain. I opened the curtain a crack to let some light in as the sun began to rise over the mountains behind the house so that I could read the medication bottles. Finally, I gave her the rest of her morning medication as the rain stopped and she pulled down her sleep mask and drifted off to a noisy sleep. I’m alone again as I pray that God and the meds will help her rest. Ahh, the sounds of rain come back. And when it’s not raining, I can hear the finches outside wake up and the wind is blowing the raindrops from the pine tree outside my window onto the house. So, I still have the rain. We love the rain. I think about my daughter driving an ambulance in it. But her dad’s harping when she was learning to drive and her awareness of the importance of what she’s doing keeps her careful. When we lived in the Midwest, we would sit on our porch and watch the rain. Here, I would push the motorcycle out of the carport and set out the chaise lounges and we would lay under the cover of the carport and watch the rain until we got too cold or one of us fell asleep. Rain means many things to many people. For much of the world, it means food. In the high deserts of northwest Arizona, it means flooding, and weeds that will be fuel for fire come summer. I’d much rather maintain a Midwest lawn than desert weeds. But whatever it means to people, rain is universal. It’s cleansing (don’t look at my car now). It brings life, even if that’s weeds. Much of Matthew chapter 5 as Jesus is just getting cranked up in what we call the Sermon on the Mount, is talking about attitude. Verses 43 through 45 could be interpreted as saying, get along, we’re all in this together. Whether you have the luxury of just listening to the rain or you have to drive an ambulance in it or whatever else it means to you, let it be a reminder. Rain is universal. It falls on all of us. Like many of life’s challenges, nobody is immune. By nature, we are self-centered (our brains naturally are focused on our agendas and issues and struggles). But let the rain remind you that we are all indeed in this together and a little awareness of your neighbors and the compassion to go with it, will go a long way. Facebook Twitter LinkedIn
Your Words, Not Mine
This was a number of years ago in a moment of silliness. But today, this woman has tolerated me for 32 years and is grateful, can you believe it? Especially when I post pictures like this? I certainly haven’t deserved 32 years with her. For far too many of them, I was me. I mean the natural me that tried to do the right things in my own strength. She will tell you she doesn’t deserve me, blah, blah blah. Don’t get me wrong, I’m beyond blessed! It’s just that my memory is stuck on how I behaved and what she really needed. The blessing is she thinks about how she behaved, etc. Now, if you stop and think about it, that’s exactly the opposite of the way our culture trains us to function. I got a call last night from a husband seeking counseling for himself and his wife as their previous counselor told him, “Get out now. She’s too messed up.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard such distressing stories from people. And yet, it fits. That’s the way our culture trains us to think. Marriage is typically “Contractual” as opposed to “Covenant.” As I said, for far too many of our 32 years I was me. But before anybody gets the wrong idea, I need to throw a wrench in the spokes here and stop this hard. Narrowing a wonderful passage down to just one verse for our purposes, in Isaiah 55:9, we are told that God’s ways are higher than our ways. Well, last time I checked, I’m pretty far from being God. So that verse must apply to me too. Yes, I hold up our marriage as something my counselees should look forward to (much to my bride’s chagrin). But, there is so much that had to change from when we were in crisis on the counseling couch until we developed what we have. And in all honesty, what had to change was me. If you even remotely follow the belief that the man is to lead, then read on. A disclaimer: I have very strong beliefs about what this does and doesn’t mean and frequently contradict what people believe, but I base my teachings not on doctrine or tradition or cultural morays, but on scripture and scripture alone. I have a hunch that will never make it into this blog, but we’ll see. It is intended for a future book however. But if you hold that a man should lead, then this may make sense to you. I had decided it was time for a change. Since I couldn’t change her, I had to change me. But every time I tried, I ended up back where I always ended up. I was stuck with being me. That was when I remembered some advice I used many years ago. The story of the burning bush runs from Exodus chapter 3 into chapter 4. Starting at Exodus 4:1, we see Moses begin to show a little nervousness. Obviously, the awe of the spectacle before him and all that he had been told already just wasn’t enough to convince him. By verse 10, despite a couple of shows of God’s proofs that He will send with Moses, the man said that he had a speech impediment. Surely that would get him off, right? God replied (according to the modernized translation by Matthew) “Mo, who do you think made your mouth? Do you seriously not trust me to handle that? Just go and open your mouth and I will give you the words to say.” Moses said, “Umm, no thanks, send someone else.” Now God saw this coming and had already called Aaron as right at that time, he appeared within view. Now, understand please, that the only reason anything is in the Bible is for you. Seriously, not because you’ll have to take a test at some point, but because you can use it. Exodus 4:12 is what we call a conditional promise. You do this, I will honor it and respond. Moses refused. God already knew he would, he had called Aaron to go to Moses, about 3 days earlier for him to show up at that precise moment. (Simple distance and speed equation) So why on earth would God have Moses include this in his telling of the story? I won’t go back 30 years to when God taught this to me, but just to when I was trying to be a better husband. The first real step I made was when my wife was not responding as I would have liked and I would quickly pray, “OK God, this one’s on you,” and allow Him to take control. This is a strange and foreign idea, I know. And it didn’t fix things immediately. But it changed me, and eventually, she started to catch on. She will now tell you that I gave her room to change and grow. She feels that because I eased up, she could relax and not be on the defense so much and have more time to respond instead of react, etc. There’s so much more, but that’s a good first step. After all, I was, as Paul would put it, allowing God to be strong in my weakness. And now, this beautiful woman and I are just crazy about each other! I pray our story will help others. Oh and by the way, you can tell her I used the picture below for this post, OK? Facebook Twitter LinkedIn
The Genesis of a Message
This picture is from a memory notification to my phone. First, it was Facebook reminding me of every post or conversation that its algorithms thought might be significant. Then it was One Drive (which I don’t remember telling to back up my photos, but it did.) Now, it reminds me of memories too. But recently I had a new one. Google reminded me of a trip. I knew I was sending the coordinates periodically to a server that would preserve the trip for me. But apparently, in doing so, Google did me the favor of remembering the trip for me too. Why does all this matter? Well, 29 years before this post, my bride and I were missionaries at a Christian drug and alcohol rehab facility. We saw a young man there, who was about to graduate from the program, fearing for his future. You see, he knew he had already made a huge mess of his life at the tender age of 19. He figured he had made such a mess that God would never use him. But when he graduated from the program, he could only see two futures, working for God or returning to the gang life he left behind. And God using Him was inconceivable because Dale was sure He didn’t deserve a life with God. Dale, like so many, didn’t really understand how much God loved him and that Christ’s death on the cross was for Him personally. I won’t spoil the whole story, but Dale’s mind was changed one Sunday morning. Google reminded me of this special young man because the map it showed me the other day was of a trip I took with my dear friend Pastor Carlos and his lovely wife Alicia. Of all the people on this planet, they are two that hold great affection from both my wife and me. Carlos, at the time, had a house in the states just around the corner from me. He was going back to his hometown in Mexico to the big ten-year anniversary celebration for the rehab center he had opened and gotten going. In the time since, he opened a second farther south and an orphanage. But I went with Pastor Carlos and Alicia for this special occasion to give the message for the Saturday chapel service at the rehab center. He translated, which was a series of hilarities that I wish belonged here. But, the message that I brought was based on my experience from so many years earlier with Dale and from the people that I was seeing in the counseling ministry. Not only did I relish every moment of this trip, from experiencing Mexico that was intended for American tourists and Mexico that was intended for Mexicans in a beautiful area that is the Napa Valley of Mexico, and have some of the best food I’ve ever tasted, but I preached the message for the very first time that eventually became “How to be a Christian in Today’s World: Shame and Fear of Failure vs. Living Confidently in God’s Love.” The overall book continued to develop in my wife’s and my heart as God worked on us. It wasn’t until the beginning of 2022, when I was sitting in a hospital room, that I realized it could no longer be held back. While writing, my intention was to follow God’s plan instead of my own. By doing so, many different people are now hearing the message that they so desperately need. In following God’s leading, I was prompted to share much of my story, including more about the young man, Dale. Using my personal experiences and lessons learned in my ministry, readers have reportedly been able to better relate and hear from God than with a dry, intellectual text. Since the book was published, numerous people have shared with me how it has helped them to believe that God loves them and that they belong. I am humbled to see that the book has even reached people I didn’t expect, and I pray that it continues to do so. Do you or someone you know struggle like Dale? I would like to invite you to consider purchasing my book for yourself or someone you know who is hurting. We never know how God will use it, but it is my hope that it will bring comfort and encouragement to those who read it. Facebook Twitter LinkedIn
Pray Without Ceasing?
I love the 1974 movie “Fiddler on the Roof.” Between 1894 and 1914 Sholem Aleichem wrote a series of stories about life in the Settlement of Pale. This was an area in Imperial Russia where the Jews were allowed to live. As a rule, they were strictly forbidden from living outside this area. Scratching out a living was tough and the government could be even crueler. Between the original writings and the hit Broadway musical and 1974 film, the stories were greatly watered down to appeal to wider audiences. As it was, critics weren’t sure that the public would embrace a story that was “so Jewish”. They believed that it would be hard to relate to. Thankfully the critics were wrong. The original stories were about Tevye and his Daughters. And the main storyline remained about them. As the movie goes along, Tevye watches as his three oldest daughters each part from tradition more than the last. The storyline that many miss though is Tevye’s walk with God. In 1st Thessalonians 5:16-18 all go together, and yet each can stand alone. Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. In everything give thanks, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Although the first and last parts make the middle easier, I’m not going to focus on them first. After explaining the title of the story, “Fiddler on the Roof,” Tevye is seen leading his horse which is hitched to a cart of milk and cheese. He’s talking to God. he says something like “It’s OK that you made me poor and gave me five daughters. But why did you have to let my horse go lame? What did he do to you?” He continues, “Sometimes I think you sit up there and wonder, “What trick can I pull on my friend Tevye?” As he gets home to unhook his horse from the cart before continuing his deliveries, he picks up the discussion again asking, “What would have been so wrong with making me a little wealthier?” Then he breaks into the famous song “If I Were a Rich Man.” This is an example of praying without ceasing. No, he wasn’t rejoicing as he was grousing at God. And the command to rejoice always is woven throughout the entire Bible from early in the Old Testament through much of the New Testament. But, let’s cut him a little slack as we look at the substance and importance of what he was doing. “It’s OK that you made me poor and gave me five daughters.” Yeah, his tone is one of complaint and he is putting the full weight of the burden on God. But, and this is huge, he is accepting of the situation. This is the lot that God gave him and that’s OK. It’s not fun, but it’s OK. There is an acceptance there that God is present and ultimately in control. In our first-world culture, that is so easy to forget. We focus so much on the physical and tangible of this world that there is little room for God. But he’s doing something else too. He’s inviting God into every situation. Now if we believe that God already knows everything and is everywhere then isn’t it a little silly that we ignore Him so often? There’s nothing profound or deeply spiritual about anything that Tevye is saying, but he is simply walking and talking with God. When he is being facetious about God playing tricks on him, he quotes God as saying, “My friend Tevye.” I don’t think there’s anything sacrilegious or overly familiar here. Instead, I think it’s an extension of the conversation. Tevye is in the habit of being in the company of God. I don’t see this as assuming they’re equals, but acknowledging that there is a relationship there. In my book, “How to be a Christian in Today’s World: Shame or Fear of Failure vs. Living Confidently in God’s Love,” I relate a personal story of a time when I was physically, emotionally, and spiritually done. I had nothing left at all. Most of my days were spent just lying in bed next to my wife. I didn’t talk, I wasn’t on the computer, and I didn’t even watch whatever she had on TV. It was all beyond me. But, my dog still had to go outside periodically. When I took her out, I would sit on my chair on the deck and stare at the mountain across the way. Sometimes I sat there for hours. As I did, changes in light and shadow took my attention to different parts of the mountain. After a while, I found myself saying, “Hey I’ve never seen that rock pile before God, thanks.” As I did this two things happened, my focus moved off of me and my misery. And I was inviting God in. Like Tevye, there was nothing deeply profound, just an awareness and acceptance that I was His and in His presence. At first, the change was slow, but the pace picked up pretty quickly and I allowed myself to not only return to the land of the living but to begin to rejoice again and get excited about what God had for me. I encourage you to find times when you don’t have to worry about being embarrassed because you’re around other people. But find a few minutes each day to just talk to God. Talk to Him about what you’re thinking, what you’re seeing, etc. Maybe ask for His guidance or wisdom. You’ll come up with something. You’ve got this. Facebook Twitter LinkedIn
Mountains and Waves
The last few years have brought a number of challenges to our family. OneDrive sends me memories each day and before I figured out how to retrieve it this morning, I had deleted the notification. So that’s not the picture that’s heading this blog post. But then, this is prettier than my mug anyway. But it was a picture of me preaching at the church I pastored at. For some reason, that made me think of all that has happened since 2015. We’ve probably been hit harder in the last eight years than ever before. And I include the times, years ago, when we were separated, then homeless in that equation. The other night, my beautiful bride handed me the remote for the TV. It was early enough that I was surprised. (I often only get the remote when she’s getting tired, which is just fine with me.) Since it was so early, I picked a movie. I have no idea why it came up as a suggestion, but we watched “A Man Called Ove.” It turned out to be in Swedish with subtitles. (For the few that know my history, yes, I could understand some of it. Unfortunately, it was too much too quickly with some thick accents, so I did have to read the subtitles.) At any rate, the description of a grumpy old man being brought out of his shell by new raucous neighbors didn’t prepare me for the movie. I won’t give any spoilers as it really was a good movie. The reason I mention it though is that I guess I never fully felt the chaos of a year ago. I spent six months rarely feeling, but just being busy. Oh, I had a few emotional moments, but I was mostly just business. You see, due to two botched surgeries, my wife spent that time hospitalized, drifting between stable and critical. As a rule, her doctor characterized her condition as “unstably stable.” In other words, she was OK at the moment, but things could turn for the worse at any time. And things did take a number of turns for the worse. As “A Man Called Ove” was ending I was sobbing. It brought all the pain and fear of that six months to the forefront. Sometimes we remember the pain and it is just as powerful as if it was current. I could have held onto it. I blame the doctor that performed the surgeries for the entire period and the after-effects that my wife will continue to deal with for a number of months. I could have allowed the feelings to bring up anger. I could have dwelt on any number of things. Instead, I allowed the wave that surprised me with its force to just wash over me and pass on. Oh, I mentioned the mountain earlier. When I was home for a couple of days at a time during my wife’s hospital stay, I would either sit in the front yard and look at the mountains or sit in the backyard and watch Orion rise in the night sky. I instinctively went to things that brought me peace. Writing is cathartic for me, but I don’t ever write for me. I write for you. So, this is an encouragement to find things to focus on that bring you peace. And when pain comes, allow it to wash over you and move on. Facebook Twitter LinkedIn
What’s Around the Next Curve?
One of the areas that required the most personal development when I became disabled was riding/touring. For the last several years before I got sick, I had been participating in a competitive long distance riding event. Yes, I like to compete and I would push myself to be able to do so. But it was also about seeing more of this great country of ours. I explain motorcycling to “cagers” (car drivers) as being the difference between watching the TV and being “in it.” I’ve ridden a motorcycle for my entire adult life. Usually, a bike was my primary mode of transportation. But it wasn’t until about twenty years ago that I actually got the difference. I was riding with my best friend and father-in-law. We had taken a weekend camping trip on our bikes and set out on Saturday morning to ride Arizona’s most technical and dangerous road. The morning began splendidly as we rode south and I followed the FIL, just letting the rising sun clear the cobwebs from my still sleepy head. It was almost as if I could feel it. But the moment that changed my life was when we were heading into Hannnagan Meadow. We had been riding out in the open at an elevation of around 9,000’. Despite the elevation, I had my jacket partially unzipped because we were riding in full sun and it was warming my black riding jacket quite nicely. Just before Hannagan Meadow, the road enters a narrow canyon. As we came around a curve and I entered the shadows, I suddenly felt my chest get very cold in the small triangle where my jacket was unzipped. That tiny detail made an impact on me as I suddenly could define why I preferred riding a bike to driving a car. In a car, I never would have noticed that change. And it was beautiful. As I zipped up my coat, I was enthralled with being IN the world. Today I won’t go into detail about the accident scene we came upon and providing care for Earl while we waited for the medevac chopper to show up. That is a story unto itself! Over the ensuing years, I rode more and more miles per trip and always alone. I came to cherish those times where I was alone on the road with God. You see, over the last several years that I rode, I would map the route between required stops for the competition I was riding in and then I would change the route to include any twisty or interesting looking roads. I never thought about the weather or what I would encounter. I just figured I’d handle it as it came. I’ve ridden across mountain passes where the road was covered in thick ice except for the tire track from the cars that had gone before me. I remember praying, “OK God, I’d appreciate it if you just picked me up and put me at the summit”. I thought about Elijah as I prayed. He didn’t. But as I got to the summit, the view of southern Utah was amazing. I could see the countryside that held multiple national parks. Usually, tall mountains stop the storm fronts, but as I stopped to enjoy the view of the Escalante Staircase, the rain I had been trying to stay ahead of all morning caught up to me and I had to move on. But I’ve also come around a curve and seen the amazing and unexpected Walker Lake in the middle of the moonscape that defines much of rural Nevada. And I’ve had a road along Idaho’s Salmon River all to myself as I mused that the pouch of salmon I had in my tank bag might not be as good as something fresh from the river. And I woke up from a nap on a side road with the feeling I was being watched to see a herd of sheep looking over a fence at me. You see, the point is that when you decide to walk with God and trust Him completely with your life and its direction, it’s much like a motorcycle ride. For a short time, you might white knuckle the grips as you try to stay upright across a mountain pass. Or you might see a series of beautiful sights that leave you wanting to go back. There are no guarantees that walking with God will be easy or fun. But what we do know is that it’s a journey and if we look forward with anticipation, “OK God, what do you have for me around the next bend?” then we will enjoy the trip that much more. Share on your favorite social media Facebook Twitter LinkedIn
“Innovate or Die”
I worked in industry for my previous career. It was only 17 years long between a late start and early retirement due to disability. But in that time, I was fortunate enough to have fallen into a niche that really didn’t exist when I started but has become a whole type of engineering. That meant that I was in middle management for most of those 17 years. That meant that I didn’t just do my job, I literally got involved in every aspect of the function of the business. With the exception of the 2 years I worked for a major entertainment company, it was all about Non-Disclosure Agreements and ultimate secrecy. In the other sectors, the companies all believed there was intense competition and slim margins. They all believed that somehow other companies would steal their newest improvements. This all meant that my sole purpose in life was to help factories make more product, faster, out of less material with less waste and lower costs. Many of these companies had a spoken or unspoken motto, “Innovate or Die.” I have often said in writing or from the pulpit that the church should look like a hospital. It should be full of sick people getting better. We cannot allow the church to be a hospice home where we go to slowly die. But that is on each of us, not just the pastor. We must be open to the love of God. We must let Him live through us. But to do that many of us have to allow Him to innovate us through the Spirit. Philippians 1:6 says that He will complete the good work that He began in us. But He has never been one to force Himself on us. If we back away from Him or just get distracted by the pressures of life, we can forget to rejoice in Him. A man who was both a great minister and admittedly broken man, Brennan Manning, had a habit of daily sitting with God and repeating, “I am yours Abba, I am yours.” Do we recognize that? Do we take time to be in relationship with Him? Or, are we just too busy? At the end of the day, we must all be willing to let Him innovate us, or we shall surely die. Facebook Twitter LinkedIn
